Radio Gaga

When you see yourself in a different light it can be quite empowering, you can really learn from it providing that you are willing to take on board both the positives and negatives. Last week I took part in a radio blog interview, my first radio experience of any kind!

The interview I was told would be held for one hour, that it would be me and the host, and in order to keep the ‘flow’ of the interview I was not allowed any pre hand knowledge of what I would be asked. Although I could anticipate what might come up, I was not near enough as prepared as I would like to have been. Listening back on the interview, sat on my sofa headphones in, I was equally unprepared for the additional grammar – from me! The “ums” and the “you knows”! I’m not even sure I remember actually speaking the words! I certainly don’t use them frequently in my day to day language (or do I?!), so I put it down to nerves. Remember, and I pointed this out in the interview itself, that Life Coaches are only human and we experience the same range of feelings as everyone else, needless to say that I was quite nervous! Yes I answered the long winded questions in full, yes I sounded as though I knew what I was talking about (or so I’m told!) in that I shared my knowledge, experience, future plans, and yes I think overall it wasn’t a bad first effort.

Sure enough I will put it in my bank of experience and keep it there, so that next time, if there is a next time, I can improve; I will know what to look out for and feel confident that I can do it better, although I’m sure I won’t come round to liking the sound of my own voice any time soon?! Am I a perfectionist, no more so than anyone else I guess, however as a professional I would like to think that I come across so, it’s also important to me that people have confidence and belief I what I am saying.

I know that despite my minor faults the interview went well enough, why then the reluctance to share it? The interview IS out there and if you look ‘not that hard enough’ I’m sure you will come across it, after all I took part with that intention. I cannot answer except to say that from this experience I recognise my flaws, this is by no means a bad thing, and I know that I would not, at least at this point in my career, make a very good radio personality! Does this make me more relatable? Perhaps? Would people see past the grammar? Perhaps? Will it affect my ability to coach people either way? No. Have I wasted my time? No. But still I do not plan to post the link today, a mistake on my part? Perhaps. I could not say for sure.

Who's in control?

Who’s in control?

We sail through life in a flurry of life events and situations, often feeling as though we are being pulled out of control, that we are being swept away from our normal life towards events we do not wish to venture.   

But who is in control of it all? What if I were to tell you that it is, in fact YOU? That you have control over your life? Would you doubt me?

It is true, and inevitable that life throws things at us, but we have choice; we can choose the direction we take after the situation presents. Whilst we cannot control the situation itself, we do control our thoughts over it, and we control our actions and reactions thereafter. This is why two people may react differently to exactly the same situation. I call this a Gene Kelly moment; I’ll explain – two people wake in the morning and open the curtains to discover that it is raining. One rolls their eyes in despair and declares their whole day ruined! The other choose to ‘Sing in the rain’. You see it is not the rain itself, but our thoughts towards it that creates our mood. This therefore applies to many situations we find ourselves in, even when faced with a phobia, remember it is not the spiders’ fault that you are afraid of it! If we apply our thoughts logically, if we view things from a different perspective we could unlock a whole different view of life!

Richard Carlson PhD. once wrote “Once you see that your thoughts cause your negative feelings, you can watch yourself creating your own misery”. He goes on to write that people are completely unaware of the effect that thinking has on their life, ‘that people need to catch themselves thinking about an issue and then dismiss the thought from their mind’. Ironically the person he refers to is called Katie! Despite writing this and sharing the knowledge with you, I can confess that I sometimes fail to catch myself. Refer back to my last Blog, ‘Are you living like a Human?’ In the blog I go on to state that negative emotions are ok! What then is the purpose of this Blog? Although I stand by my previous blog, what is the harm in applying ways in which we can avoid the negative emotions becoming too much and engulfing us!? Because nobody wants that. I would go on then to state that negative emotions are alright in small doses, but if we can avoid them, then why not?! Next time you find yourself in a negative mood, catch yourself, think about the situation from a different perspective, think about someone you admire, how would they act in the situation? Remind yourself that YOU are in control of your thoughts, your actions and reactions, that YOU choose how you are going to deal with the situation that has presented itself. To quote Richard Carlson again, “The thoughts that you should pay attention to are the thoughts that brighten your spirits, pay attention to the thoughts that are based on wisdom, gratitude, perspective and common sense. Ignore those grounded in low pessimistic mood, thoughts of gloom and doom, fear, lack of appreciation, hopelessness, despair, negativity and anger”, how ideal this sounds! Of course, and I refer once again to my previous Blog, that there will be times when we find this difficult to achieve, but if we just try and remember that things will get better, we are already half way there.

And how do we know whether we are paying attention to the right thoughts? By how we feel of course – because “you feel the way you think!” Richard Carlson 1961-2006, an inspiration. 

Are you living like a Human?

It’s 4 days into the New Year, are you living like a Human?

So often we hear “Smile!/be happy/chin up/it can’t be that bad/get over it!” It often feels like we have to programme ourselves like Robots, that we have to remove negativity from our hard drive in order to act and feel a certain way, that if we have an ‘off day’ that we have somehow failed as a Human Being, that negative emotion is not permitted! Well I'm here to tell you that it absolutely is OK to have an off day! That we are allowed to feel negative emotions, that they are necessary to life and that we should give negativity the same acknowledgement that we give positivity in order to manage our emotions better. It is vital though that the balance between positive and negative is in proportion, with I think we can all agree, positivity being the predominant of the two in the long run.  

We all feel the pressures of everyday life and if we kept all of our negativity inside and did not let a tiny bit out every now and then, it would all get stored up until we could no longer contain it and then more than likely; Boom! We’d explode! emotional chaos ensuing because we have not managed our feelings in an appropriate manner. We often believe that if we get mad or sad or angry that this is a failing of some kind, that we will require forgiveness for ‘slipping away from positivity’; whereas actually these are all natural Human emotions! We need to accept that negativity is a part of life, that we could not fully appreciate positivity without its ever lingering presence.   

Although I am a huge fan of Happiness, there are of course genuine circumstances where sadness, anger, fear, annoyance, disappointment etc. are all frankly very valid emotions to be displayed, there are certainly circumstances where they are not. I do believe however that if we manage emotion properly then we all can live our lives utilising the whole range of emotions that we possess and not feel in any way ashamed or remorseful in doing so, that we can have our ‘off days’ and not apologise for them! All we ask for is a little understanding when doing so. This is of course on the premise that you are not holding onto the negative feeling for weeks, that you are able to get out of bed on a morning, that you can stop crying in order to hold a conversation. We will find instances nonetheless where people find managing emotion difficult, some that cannot get out of bed in the morning, they may be aware that their emotions are ‘out of hand’, and they may require intervention and support. I also clarify that I do not condone in anyway violent or illegal behaviour, and by stating that I believe for example anger is ‘allowed’, I do not give approval to use it illegally. I simply suggest that we are all wired with these emotions and that it is not a failing if we display them, providing that we are not breaking the law or hurting others in the process. We are simply conveying our natural Human behaviour and although it would be extremely welcome, we cannot always live up to the expectation of being happy every single day.

So go on, take the pressure off, live like a Human today and fulfil your criteria, because we are after all, all Human.